Holy Cow: A Modern-Day Dairy Tale by David Duchovny

By David Duchovny

A rollicking, globe-trotting event with a twist: a four-legged heroine you won't quickly forget

Elsie Bovary is a cow, and a beautiful satisfied one at that—her lengthy, lazy days are spent consuming, sound asleep, and speaking to her ally, Mallory. One evening, Elsie and Mallory sneak out in their pasture; yet whereas Mallory is drawn to flirting with the neighboring bulls, Elsie reveals herself interested in the farmhouse. during the window, she sees the farmer's relations collected round a shiny field God—and what the field God finds approximately anything referred to as an "industrial meat farm" shakes Elsie's knowing of her international to its core.
There's just one resolution: break out to a greater, more secure international. And so a motley workforce is shaped: Elsie; Jerry—excuse me, Shalom—a cranky, Torah-reading pig who's lately switched over to Judaism; and Tom, a artful (in his personal brain, at the least) turkey who can't fly, yet who can paintings an iPhone along with his beak. Toting stolen passports and slapdash human disguises, they head for the airport.
Elsie is our wise-cracking, pop-culture-reference-dropping, slyly witty narrator; Tom—who does finally discover ways to fly (sort of)—dispenses psychiatric recommendation in a faux German accessory; and Shalom, rejected by means of his followed humans in Jerusalem, finally ends up suddenly uniting Israelis and Palestinians. David Duchovny's charismatic creatures aspect the way in which towards a mutual knowing and recognition that the realm desperately wishes.

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Additional resources for Holy Cow: A Modern-Day Dairy Tale

Sample text

This is comfortable and clean and familiar. Apart from a tendency among men of a certain age to wear knee-high socks with shorts, these people are just like you and me. This is wonderful. This is exhilarating. This is why I love to come to Australia. There are other reasons as well, of course, and I am pleased to put them on the record here. The people are immensely likable—cheerful, extrovert, quick-witted, and unfailingly obliging. Their cities are safe and clean and nearly always built on water.

And Pamela Harriman, the former ambassador and socialite who died in February 1997, a misfortune that evidently required recording 22 times in the Times. Put in the crudest terms, Australia was slightly more important to us in 1997 than bananas, but not nearly as important as ice cream. As it turns out, 1997 was actually quite a good year for Australian news. In 1996 the country was the subject of just nine news reports and in 1998 a mere six. Australians can’t bear it that we pay so little attention to them, and I don’t blame them.

They replied with simultaneous enthusiasm. Suppressing an urge to shriek, I turned in desperation to the man beside me—an educated-looking older man in a suit, which was striking because everyone else on the train was in casual wear. We chatted about this and that. He was a retired solicitor from Canberra on his way to visit a son in Perth. He seemed a reasonable and perceptive sort, so I mentioned to him, in a confiding tone, my puzzling conversation with the schoolteachers from Queensland. “Ah, Aborigines,” he said, nodding solemnly.

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